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Jenja
MoiJen - 18 - Russian - German - multilinguistique - artist - student - freak - lover - fiancéeLoveOlaf - family & friends - ART - Linkin ParkMy Utensilspencil - coal - drawing ink - oil paint - acrylic paint - water color - crayon
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| Bad 2nd start, but I'm pretty non-creative right now. |
[
October 29th, 2007 at 9:39am] |
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mood |
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 hungry, greedy, horny |
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music |
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Limp Bizkit |
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Hey-Ho Let's Go. Or sth like that.
I'll make an internship in some logistic company starting Thursday. I'll have to go by bike there, doesn't sound that bad if you don't know that it's 15km away from here and the weather sucks - really sucks, it's stormy and friggin cold. Gotta love the sea. :S
If everything goes smoothly then maybe we'll have an other apartment that's near the place where I'll work. That's why I made four calls now, and there's only one thing I can tell: It sucks a lot to find an apartment. The last one told me they only want a female renter. WTF?
Yay for independence.
For you Tia.
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1) Take over the world.
2) Take over the world.
3) Do some good in the world and take it over.
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1) Jenja
2) Jen
3) Not my real name. Period.
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1) Jen
2) JenjaB
3) KawaiiUsa
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1) Mmmh... Physical.
2) My brain can storage 5 different languages.
3) My little toe.
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1) German
2) Russian
3) Ukrainian
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1) People.
2) Phone.
3) Pumpernickel.
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1) Sex.
2) More sex.
3) Even more sex.
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1) That's a good one.
2) Wearing.
3) Things. Haa.
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS/MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1) Linkin Park
2) Three Days Grace
3) Breaking Benjamin
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (in no particular order):
1) Linkin Park - Valentine's Day
2) Breaking Benjamin - Diary Of Jane
3) Hoobastank - Inside Of You
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1) Sex.
2) Good sex.
3) Even more amazing sex. (And some honesty stuff :P)
(4) Jk.
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1) I like sitting on my hands when they're cold.
2) Soccer will never have a breakthrough in the US.
3) The other ones were both lies.
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1) Nice...eyes.
2) Long hair.
3) Nice ass.
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1) Hobbies are for losers.
2) The cool people communicate day and night.
3) No matter how. ;)
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1) Eat.
2) Eat.
3) Eat.
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1) Car-what?
2) I just wanna go to this academy and get my logistic stuff and
3) the Bachelor of Art.
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1) Dubai. - Because equalization is overrated.
2) London. - Because in Germany we don't have enough rainy days.
3) Paris. - I liked her video.
THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:
1) Lia
2) Taya
3) West (or East) ;)
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1) Watch.
2) My.
3) Naked.
(4) Body.)
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1) I hate soccer. Because a REAL man doesn't need to watch 22 naked legs running after a ball.
2) I Love Motorcycles. Because a REAL man is content with only two wheels.
3) I don't answer every stupid question. A man - a word.
THREE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1) Enter a name.
2) Please enter a name.
3) Maybe xenaphilie. Haaah.
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| Back To The Future. |
[
May 22nd, 2007 at 7:09pm] |
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 irritated |
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Linkin Park |
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Well, the art college didn't take me. This means I need something else to save my future. My mother is always searching for things I never thought of - things I don't want to do. So now I think I found something that may build my future. You know, all the people were always telling me, that I should learn a job that has to do with languages. I totaly agree if I think about the languages I've learned and I (partly) can speak. There's Russian (18 years - I was born in Kazakhstan, it's my mothertongue), German (10 years - I'm living for 10 years now in Germany, it's kinda my second mothertongue), English (9 years - I hope I can defend that :P), French (5 years - after the first 3 years I thought my French was good, then I got this terrible teacher, now I can say my French is as terrible as she is) and if you want to know (it's still kinda needless) Latin (5 years - yeah, I had Latin lessons for 5 friggin years and I would've made 6 out of them, but the ministry of education didn't want to pay the teachers for those lessons, so we had to cancel them). Well, I guess those languages aren't that bad conditions to get a good job, right?
Can anybody say out loud "YES"?
Anyway... I found an academy for some international blahblah where you can study International Touristic Assistant. I don't know if it's that good, but it does sound pretty good. I even could study in the US for one year to get a Bachelor degree and I mean, this really sounds great. Two years in the US to get a Master degree sounds even better, doesn't it? It would be the Master of Business and Administration. Yay.
But (there are always such things) there's my bf. If I would study this assistant thing, I couldn't be with him. We wouldn't see each other that often. Less than now. :( Then I would be in the US for two years if nothing goes wrong. That's not good for a relationship. :( He already suffers because of the over 500km that separate us, what if those 500km suddenly became 5000km? I don't even want to think about that. It really is a hard decision. Relationship or real good studies. - Fuck, I want both.
The bad thing is, I've got not much time left to decide that. This makes it even harder.
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| Fuck Everything. |
[
May 10th, 2007 at 8:50pm] |
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mood |
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 disappointed |
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music |
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everything that's loud |
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The college didn't take me.
Fuck it.
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| Confucius Says Stop Hitting Yourself. |
[
April 20th, 2007 at 9:33pm] |
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mood |
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 excited |
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music |
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Full Frontal - You Think You're A Man |
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My life is all about ART right now. I'm making a portfolio as you know and it costs me a lot of time and nerves. I mean, I really love to draw and paint and everything. But there are almost 3 weeks untill the exams. I'm going to graduate. I mean, OMFNSXZMFFG!!11"! I am going to graduate. And I still don't feel like that. I am also on my way to college. College. This sounds so freaking great. :D (Of course first I need to be accepted in Bremen. But I'm pretty optimistic about it. Yeah, I am.) But right now it's kinda too much for me to make the portfolio and to learn for exams. But hey, that's what life is about: challenges.
I'm going to go to Bremen next week on Friday. That means I have to finish my work untill then. Oh, and Friday will be - uh, would be - my last school day EVERRR. Heeh. Sounds good great *squee*. Well, mine is already on Thursday. :D Muha!
Well, I jut wanted to ask what you think about this one:
Metamorphosis Of Albrecht Duerer's Mother
Quality is pretty bad but I hope you still can identify Duerer's mother. :P
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| Am I Good Enough? |
[
April 13th, 2007 at 4:30pm] |
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mood |
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 worried |
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I'm kinda afraid of what's coming. You know that I apply to college right now - balance point ART. But I'm scared that I won't be good ehough. That the people don't like what I do and how I do my art work. It's stupid, I know. I mean, I know that I really can what I'm doing. But will those people think like I do? What are they expecting from me? I really don't know and that scares me. This uncertainty is driving me crazy.
another unfinished drawing - coal
I really don't know how to manage the background. Has anyone an idea?
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| Can You Say "Yay, Holidays!"? |
[
April 5th, 2007 at 2:29pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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music |
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Linkin Park - What I've Done |
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I'm feeling so good now. It's weird because I haven't felt like that for a long long time. Everything seems so pretty and wonderful. - Yes, it's me typing this. ;) - The weather's great. I have freetime.I'm going to see my bf tomorrow. Everything's great. Haah.
Yesterday I wrote my second advance test in maths. Yes, the second one. The first one we wrote about two weeks ago wasn't "valid". Gaah. Our SO intelligent teachrs decided to take - for the first test - the reexamination from the last year. Of course this one was on the internet some days before we had to write the test. No teacher protested, no one wanted to change their mind. Ooookay. So far so good. But as we all know, students are mostly afraid of those tests and try to exercise as much as possible, we even search in the internet, right? Right. Of course some of us - my not knowing person excluded - however found out that the reexamination would be our test, they searched, they found. So that's why we had to write this F test twice. Because some lazy teachers and some stupid students couldn't use their brains. But hey... At least they didn't tell us before, that the test was valid. - Oh. Wait. *sigh* Gotta love our new principal.
But you know what? I don't care anymore. :D I love holidays! Well, who doesn't?
Ohohoh, I started to draw Kurt Cobain some days ago. :D It's real fun because he was such a beautiful man. That's why it could take some time to draw him because it's not easy to catch his beauty. I already found a mistake I did. but it's not unusual because I always draw people's noses too long. :P I don't know why, but I always do.
I also began to paint a woman. Well, a woman's torso. A torso of a woman that is black and pregnant. *g* I never painted pretty good because liked to draw more. But now I try everything you can do as an artist. Apropos everything. Heeh. Yesterday I was on a photography tour with ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) xenaphilie. Most of the time I had her Pentax k10d hanging around my neck. It was a great feeling to take pictures with such a good camera. I'll post some of those later.
You know, next month the new Linkin Park album will come out and I am SO exited about it! :D A new album after 3 years of waiting. Muha! That's one more reason to be happy. ;D I've seen the video to What I've Done on Monday. It was SO amazing! I loved it. You really cannot say that Chester Bennington looks like he's 31 yeras old, can you? ;) I guess I'll draw him the next time again. Heeh. I mean look at him, he's a must-be-drawn-more-than-once-person.
Yeah, so I just wanted to say that I'm happy. :) I really am and I enjoy it.
Here's the unfinished Kurt Cobain drawing
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| What's "Fuck You" In French? |
[
March 24th, 2007 at 8:36pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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Linkin Park |
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It's been a long time and my life is still bone-crushing. At least for me.
You know, I really don't want to moan or something but I'm so down there's nothing else I could do. I feel weak and powerless. There's nothing I could be proud of or be happy about. I watch everything with distance. I don't feel like...me.
I don't know why but I've been pretty antisocial in the last time. I don't want to have people around me. It's not that I don't like my friends anymore, I just want to be alone. I don't need anybody trying to cheer me up. I don't need anybody telling me it's gonna be alright. I only want to be left alone.
I really don't want to hurt anybody by this entry and I think you know that. I'm not in the mood to talk about my feelings and stuff, because I don't even know what I am feeling right now. I don't know if I want to cry or to beat something or someone. I don't know why first I am laughing and in the next minute I want to cry. It's weird but even when I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone I couldn't say that I loved him without having problems to articulate. I think he's kinda mad at me now because I just rang off as I was trying to say bye. But I really couldn't say any emotional things without having a shivery voice. I couldn't say that I missed him, that I wished we could see each other more often. I just couldn't. I only was harsh and a dumb-ass.
Maybe the stress is having its effects on me. I don't know.
I'm sorry that I cannot talk with my friends about their problems anymore. I know you need that, we all do - well, at this moment I really don't - but I'm broken. I cannot be empathetic when it is needed. I cannot be critical when you want me to be. I'm not reliable at all. And I am really sorry. But maybe I first need to attend to my own problems - my life. How can I tell you it's all gonna be okay when I don't even know what I am talking about? I cannot cheer you up when I don't believe in that - when I don't want to be cheered up myself.
I'm afraid of losing. No matter what kind of losing. Lose people that I love. Lose abilities. Lose confidence. Lose myself.
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| Home Sweet Home ... ? |
[
February 26th, 2007 at 9:31pm] |
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mood |
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 melancholy |
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music |
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Bloc Party |
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Back home. Yay.
I'm home now. Came back on Sunday. I must say, I really want to go back. No, not *back*, just away. Away from here. With him. I really hate the time when he's gone. This time it's for 5 weeks. FIFE freaking weeks. Those are 33 days (minus today and the Sunday of the 5th week). After the two weeks we spent together it's horrible being without him.
I cannot feel good at home. At all.
I'm also horrified by the thought of the exams that are in two months. OMG. I cannot think about it without getting stomach ache. I'm kinda paralyzed. I'm afraid and I've got the feeling of not getting everything right - of being not successful. The faster the time passes by the more nervous I become. It's a bad habit I think but I cannot do anything about it.
My artist's blockade continues. I hate it.
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[
February 22nd, 2007 at 2:24pm] |
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mood |
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 uncomfortable |
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music |
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The White Stripes |
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Yesterday I bought some new pencils - the real good ones. I looked forward to draw with them. Everything seemed to be perfect.
Today I cannot do any line with those pencils. I just can't. There are no pictures or ideas in my head. I do have the desire to draw but there's also such a blockade that I even get complexes when I just look at the new pencils lying on the white paper. It's so crushing. The thing I like to do most is not available for me at this time. I hate those situations. Because I really cannot do anything about it. Anything.
The most annoying thing about it is that I really need to draw now. I need some work for my college application. Sure I've got time till April 30th but this is not enough time. I cannot work draw under such a big pressure.
And of course there's school. In May the exams will start. MAY. There are only two months till May. I'm so F afraid of all this stuff. I wanted to do so many things in the holidays. Now they're almost over and I didn't get anything right. I wanted to relax and to work at the same time. I should have known better. Well, at least I know what I will do the next two months. There won't be any free time. Okay, almost.
I want to draw [some amazing things]. I want to draw [so many things]. I just want to draw.
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